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#5 I Remember It All Too Well
Picture are not mine, I only edit it. I also published this story on Fanfiction.net
Disclaimer : I own nothing but the story and I gain no profit from it.
A/N : Go play any sad songs that you have, now! You'll enjoy the story better by doing so.
I don't understand;
Your humming wails loud in my ear,
Your tight grip leaves marks.
Your smile as real as the ever present sun,
Your frail silhouette burned onto my heart and soul.
.
I don't understand;
We exchanged vows so clearly only yesterday,
Our yelling had fear stirred up in the winds.
But all that has merged with air
Into a void.
.
I don't understand;
If contracts are simply word games,
We shouldn't have spewed them out of these mouths
If in the end, you sleep
Only to never wake again.
.
.
.
Happy
Valentine's Day! Do you like my poem? I thought you wouldn't. You hated
morbid poetry. The world, according to you, is proof of God's
everlasting love. Hence your positive outlook on anything and
everything. I can see it from how you lived life and how you spoke the
alphabet to others. No words can be strung beautifully enough to express
how I felt the day you confessed your feelings for me. I gave you but
one condition: for you to never be unfaithful. Should there be someone
more attractive, just go—leave. So you'll remain faithful. You agreed to
this.
I don't remember when or where exactly did my admiration
grow into love for you. One thing for sure is that I enjoyed every
single second I spent with you. I'm grateful for your existence; despite
the fact that you were far from perfection, you were the best in my
eyes. You weren't exactly handsome, nor were you rich or romantic. Your
simplicity caught a hold of me, however—no fancy cologne or trendy
wardrobes, I still liked you. I remember everything else crystal clear;
your face green with jealousy when I talk to other guys, or when you
flared a crimson red, mad because I won't listen to you.
I
remember dimples to match a lopsided smile. I remember rosy cheeks when
you were given compliments or that time your mother gushed about how
cute you were in your baby photos (I visited your house on your 15th
birthday, remember?). Lastly, I remember how stern and steady you were,
always ready to lend a hand to anyone in need.
Hey, you know how
you used to pester me a lot before we became lovers? Especially on
Valentine's; you'd give me different gifts each year. Sometimes you give
me frogs, the other year was a colony of cockroaches, and there was a
dead rat once. You giggled and laughed, head thrown back without a care
as I scream and eventually cry. You'd appear with a bouquet of roses and
a chocolate bar the next day to make up for it, and I'd refuse but oh,
who in their right mind would refuse a bar of chocolate? Ah, yes—there
was that one time when we forgot our homework. The 'killer' teacher
bestowed upon us both the toilet duty, and it was a lot more fun with
your bottomless well of jokes (who knew cleaning the toilets was such a
chore?).
I found out later on from a classmate that you lied on purpose to keep me company.
My
favorite moment was when I tried to smile through my tears from the
troubles never leaving my shoulders. We were supposed to be in physics
that time, but you took the initiative to take me up the school's
rooftop level. You sat down right next to me and let me cry, cry, cry.
No comments, no jokes and no lectures—you were so quiet. Well, we ended
up getting scolded by the homeroom teacher (how does he prattle on like
that as if there are no limits to his vocabulary?), and I started to
realize just how nice of a guy you were.
Yes, despite your obnoxious Valentine's gifts.
When
we started going out, you always remembered to write a poem for me for
every special day. They never bore me. Constellations of words evolved
into stellar intonations by you—I was addicted. You celebrated so
simply, and it made the days so much more meaningful to me.
Sadly, Jack, like most flawed humans, you forget things—you forgot.
You broke your promise.
The
365 days we went through together dulled us. Fate got so tired of
looking at us happy that it interfered—broke us apart. Aren't romances
better more dramatic with a dash of conflict, though? The conflict was
your infidelity, Jack.
You placed yourself into the hands of the one entity I can't possibly compete against.
You fell for Death.
You
forgot how I panicked when you collapsed in the middle of our afternoon
picnic. You forgot how my tears fell at the revelation of your
condition—a stage four blood cancer. You forgot how I cursed at life's
blessing for you, a nearly-impossible-to-cure disease. You forgot how I
whispered prayers into your ear at every given chance, desperately
hoping you could hear me. You forgot how I held your hand in my
vice-like grip when you were on your deathbed, desperately hoping you
won't let go as well.
You were selfish, wishing to only end your
suffering. Did you not consider how I would live through the exact same
pain and agony? You gave up earlier. You were the first one to be freed
from this pain. You decided to just release your final breath and
surrender yourself to Death's embrace, because that was so much more
beautiful in your eyes.
The day they hid your cold, unmoving body
in a coffin was the day my heart got taken away, ripped and torn into
pieces, by force. But what do you care? You forgot that I'm still
limping my way through life, a struggle as my feet hobble to pick back
up the remains of what was once a heart—all because you left.
I remember it all too well, Jack.
I
can still feel your presence, as strong as the summer seas. I feel you
in every path I carve unto this Earth and in every oxygen atom I inhale.
But I know better now. Chasing you is like chasing a cloud; recalling
you is like smothering the wind with my chest. Your fleeting existence
was as vague as the color borders on a rainbow.
I sigh sometimes;
the contracts and vows and promises, do they mean nothing spilled from
your lips? When I ask myself this question, a vision of you—pale, face
gaunt and body oh so very thin, would repeat automatically, unwantedly
in my head. I see you lying helpless on the hospital bed, IV drip and
monitors probing under your skin. You'd wince ever so slightly every
once in a while, but you'd hide the pain before me. You entertained the
sympathetic souls that visited you, extruding any sadness you manage to
find. You stopped caring once they've gone home, tears shed as a price
for you suppressed the cancer which had already gnawed your insides to
nothing.
Now I know, Jack. Our bodies are honestly as fragile as
morning dew on hairless leaf. It's only a matter of time before that
little drop of dew slides down to the ground, absorbed and gone forever,
leaving not a single trace. But the love we've woven together is as
unmovable as a mountain. Our tale of stomped hearts will remain
forevermore—immortal.
Jack, I send you this letter to
part and say goodbye. I'll place it on top of your grave—let time eat it
whole and rain dissolve it back to pulp. For I know that true love
can't be destroyed by memories.
Jack, this is the last poem I'll
ever write about you and for you. I know I'm not the best poet around,
but hey, can't blame me when you were the one who taught me, remember?
.
Before, it was just me and my world of black and white
I lived in fear and doubt
Until you found a crack
And crawled over every single inch of my heart.
.
You made me feel like I was on a tightrope
—never knowing when I'll be unguarded, weak.
You made me walk the plank
—never knowing when I'll give up.
You made me soar high in the sky
—never knowing when I'll fall.
.
But for the first time ever,
Safety shrouded me and happiness gave me strength.
All shadows of fear and doubt
Were chased away by bright, bright, blinding light
—all because of you.
.
Thank you
For all the colors
You let in to adorn my life.
.
.
.
Happy Valentine's Day, Jack.
Sincerely,
Elias.
(Someone who has finally forgotten.)
.
.
.
A/N : THANK YOU SO MUCH TO WAKANA SHIROU who's
so damn busy but still got the time to translate this letter to
English, lemme give you a big warm hug sista! This letter was made for a
writing competition but I converted it to fan fiction. GAH.
And big thank you to SILAN HAYE who's so nice to me and help me through a lot of things. Thank you for making the challenge!
And thank you to (INSERT YOUR NAME HERE) for reading this stuff! Asdfghjkl knowing that somebody will read this already makes me feel happy.
Sorry
for the unclear setting and the cliché plot. Since it's a letter I
don't think I should go on such details and I can't think of any other
idea. But please, feel free to give me any critics!
Oh
yeah, can anyone draw Jack Frost and Male!Elsa wearing glasses? I bet
it'll be so hot OwO #slapped. Anyway, can't wait for your review!
.
XOXO,
Asha D
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